The Akatsuki Corner
by BloodRedAngel808
Summary: Ever wonder what it's like to see a talk show with the Akatsuki? Pure CHAOS. Funny, spoofy and all around out of this world. Literally. -Taking Suggestions Now!-
1. Introductions

**The Akatsuki Corner**

Episode 1.

_Introductions_

The camera zooms into a large stage that resembles something of the inside of a cave. A large stone table sits in the middle of the stage, four glasses of water set atop it. Four wicker chairs surround the table, a different color material on each one. Blue, black, yellow and orange. Above the table, chairs and glasses, is a large tv screen with 'The Akatsuki Corner' written in white with a sharingan eye behind it.

The audience begins to clap as to the left of the table, a stone door opens and four men dressed in black cloaks with red clouds on them strolls out. The first, is none other than Itachi Uchiha, then Kisame, Deidara and Tobi.

" Welcome!" Deidara calls out, waving to their clapping fans. " And welcome to the first ever Akatsuki Corner."

Bonnie Pink's _'It's Gonna Rain'_starts playing as the camera zooms in on the TV screen, showing various clips of the Akatsuki. From Deidara chasing Tobi with a bat, Pein tripping Konan, Sasori throwing a puppet at Hidan and Kazuku taking a bath in money.

The screen widens again, again zooming in at the table, where the four men sit, Deidara slumping forward on his elbows, Tobi bouncing in his seat and Itachi and Kisame staring at the camera.

Okay, so Kisame was smiling and Itachi was glaring.

" Today, since we have no ideas whatsoever for the show, we're just going to introduce ourselves." Kisame says, then points to himself, " I am Kisame."

" The fish guy." Tobi exclaims, earning an elbow from Deidara.

" I'm Deidara, I make things blow up!" The blonde smiles, clasping his hands together, " Sasori-dana couldn't make it today, due to a cold, so this _idiot_ had to take his place."

Tobi pouts, " But Tobi's a good boy!"

" Hn." Itachi mutters, resting his chin in his hand and glaring at where they had entered the stage. " Itachi Uchiha." (The fangirls swoon)

" And I'm Ma-" Deidara quickly covers his mouth, giving the blinking audience a weak smile.

" This is Tobi."

The masked man pouts again, ripping Deidara's hand off his mouth and glaring at the top of the stone table. Kisame clears his throat, tapping a finger on the table and smiling out at the people. " The members that show up on the show will depend on the topic of discussion. "

Deidara grins, " Which we're gonna leave up to the readers!"

" We welcome every idea, but make them good, or our producer..." Tobi waves enthusiastically to Angel, who is slapping her forehead. " Will not take them to heart."

" We take Character interviews, questions about the Shippuden story, funny spoofs between any of the Naruto characters and whatever else you're funny minds can come up with." Kisame nods, picking up his glass of water and peering into it. He scowls, looks at Angel, " Is this saltwater?"

" Just talk Kisame!" Itachis hisses, glaring at his partner, " It's tap water. From a bottle."

" Evian." Deidara gasps, sipping at his with a new vigor.

Itachi rolls his eyes.

Kisame grumbles and sets his glass down, " Anyways, we'll only take suggestions in the form of reviews, because Angel's inbox gets enough e-mails from stupid spam companies and doesn't want to have to sift through them all. She doesn't mind them from time to time, but loads of messages makes her dizzy."

" And we don't want that." Deidara cuts in, shaking his glass at a stagehand, who glares at him.

" As flattering as it is, don't make her head hurt, or we don't get updated." Kisame laughs.

" Tobi's a good boy!"

" Get him out of here!" Deidara snaps, wrapping his hands around the black-haired mans neck and beginning to shake him. The stage hands run onto the stage, trying to separate the laughing Tobi and evil-looking Deidara.

" Couple suggestions will be taken to heart, but we don't really plan on pairing people up." Kisame scratches the back of his head, " We've been ordered to keep this as funny and pariodlical as possible."

" That's not even a word." Itachi snorts.

" It's a better word for Parody."

" It is not."

" Send in you're suggestions!" Toni exclaims, getting loose from Deidara's hands and sprinting across the stage, the blonde in fast pursuit.

_Cuban Pete_ plays as Deidara and Tobi disappear behind the stage, Kisame dumps his freshwater over Itachi's head, then begins to run for his life.

The credits roll:

**Producer:**

_BloodredAngel808_

**Cast:**

_Itachi Uchiha_

_Kisame_ (I'll get his last name right eventually)

_Deidara-sempai_

_Tobi_(Is a Good Boy!)

**Crew:**

_The people in my mind_

**Topic Of Discussion By:**

_No one Yet_

**A/N:**

OMG. Lol. Don't worry fans of mine, this shall not take away from Guardian Bay, Before You Say No or any of my other fanfictions. This is kinda like Angel's Naruto show. For fun.

And I'm serious about the Topic Of Discussing thing. You have an idea? Throw it at me through a review and I'll write it down and think about it. If I use it, you'll be featured in the credits. (It's not much...but It's all I can do)

Be warned, please don't get mad if you're idea isn't used. I won't do it on purpose or to be mean, it means my imagination won't take it and run. So just sit back and enjoy the ride!

Blessed Be,

Angel


	2. Drowning In Your LovHate

**The Akatsuki Corner**

Episode 2.

_Drowning In Your Lov....Hate_

The large cave-shaped stage comes into the camera's view, spinning around the audience and zooming in on the three men seated around the stone table. Today, they are as usual, dressed in their black cloaks, glasses of water seated in front of them, except Samehada is resting against the wall behind Kisame.

" That won't touch me, will it?" Deidara asked, peering at the sword with a wary eye. " Last time it bite me."

" You wouldn't give it a jelly bean." Kisame sniffed indigently.

Itachi rolled his eyes, then glares at the camera. " What the hell do you want?"

Shinohara Ryouko's "_Dancing Beat_" Begins to play as the camera zooms in on the TV behind the three hosts. Clips of Deidara arguing with his hands, Kisame sharing jelly beans with Samehada, Itachi painting his nails, and Tobi drawing a smiley face on the toilet, flash across the screen before 'The Akatsuki Corner' appears.

The Camera zooms in on Deidara, who waves enthusiasticly. " We got suggestions from two people." He pouts, " Two people. That's hardly fun, now is it?"

" Not fun at all." Kisame shakes his head, " Though the ideas we got were very interesting. And some, we can't answer...."

" Like what?" Itachi muttered, peering down at his glass of water.

Deidara looks down at a small piece of paper with a list of topics on it. He scans it with narrowed eyes before huffing. " Do my hands drool?!"

" Yes." Kisame snickers, covering his mouth with his hand to stifle it when Deidara shoots him a murderous glare. The blonde then hands him the paper with a Superior smirk and watches as the blue-haired man read it. His eyebrows drew together. " ......" He looks up at Deidara, who's smile gets wider. " No."

The art-master stands up.

" _No._"

Deidara motions to the stagehands.

" NO!" Kisame jumps up to flee, but a hand latches onto his coat, stopping his retreat. He looks down at the pale fingers gripping onto him as though effortless. " Itachi-san...you wouldn't."

Black eyes lift slowly, a smirk twitching at the corner of his lips. " Oh really?"

A 30-foot tank of water is rolled onto the stage, water sloshing over the top and spilling onto the cold stone of the cave floor. Two men walk behind the five that are pushing, carrying what looks to be a set of chains and a large lock.

" Itachi!" Kisame whines, tugging at his cloak. " You really, _really_ wouldn't."

Deidara is already at the tank, looking at it with some kind of mooney expression before turning to the audience. " Ladies and....men. " He smiles, " Today, we shall be conducting an experiment."

" Nooooooo!" Kisame wails, tugging harder, but getting no leeway from Itachi's grasp.

" I Give you.....'Drowning In Your Love!' " He whooshes his hands to the tank and the crowd starts to clap and scream and holler. Itachi stands up, dragging the almost crying Kisame across the stage and to the large tank, where a stage-hand is setting up a ladder.

" Just ask me If I can breath underwater! I'll be honest!" Kisame exclaims, eyeing the chains as Itachi and Deidara start wrapping them around him. " I swear!"

" We still won't believe you." Deidara sing-songs, hooking the chain ends together with the key lock. He clicks it shut, then motions for Kisame to ascend the ladder. " Don't worry, if you start to die, we have a craze on it's way."

" _ON IT'S WAY?!_"

" Go on." Itachi states, eyes narrowing, " Or are you a coward?"

Kisame glares before taking shaky steps up the ladder, gulping in a large breath of air and jumping in. The audience gasps, watching as the shark-like man floats slowly to the bottom, eyes narrowed and arms at his sides. Bubbles erupt from his mouth, probably cursing them both to hell and back.

Deidara taps on the glass." SO?!"

Kisame glares.

Gray eyes turn to look at Itachi, who's staring passively at his partner as he grumbles under the water. " What do you think?"

" I think he's going to drown if he keeps talking." Itachi mutters, stepping forward and pressing a hand to the cool glass of the tank. He tilts his head to the side, before pointing to his eyes, as they've both gone Sharingan. Kisame's glare drops, then he nods.

Deidara lifts an eyebrow, " You two confuse me. You really do."

Itachi shrugs, then glances at him, " Is this a test to see how long he can breath, or if he can breath at all?"

" Er....both?" The blonde looks sheepish.

Red eyes dull, before returning to looking at the man in the tank, who seemed to be turning a darker shade of blue than he already was. " Kisame?" He presses his hand against the glass again. " Kisame?" He knocks against the glass and the shark-man jerks. Itachi turns to Deidara, " Mystery solved, he can't. Now get him out."

Deidara salutes, before calling for the stage hands. A loud, annoying beeping sound fills the studio as a small yellow crane is driven onto the stage by none other than Angel herself. The metal hook drops into the water, a diver going in and hooking it onto the chains. The blue man is lifted out and set delicately in front of Itachi and Deidara.

Kisame chokes up water, before glaring at them both. " I hate you."

" You could have just _told_ us." Deidara snorts, crossing his arms and turning up his nose.

Kisame's jaw drops, then his eyes narrow, then he's chasing Deidara around the tank, up the ladder and back into the tank.

Itachi sighs, then turns to the audience. " We'll be back after this short break."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Naruto, Sai and Sakura are seated on a riverbank, bare feet in the cool, rushing water. Naruto's laying back in the grass, blue eyes closed and hands behind his head. Sai's got a paintbrush in his hand and a scroll on his lap, painting the landscape across from them. Sakura's eating an orange Popsicle, leaning back on one hand.

" Hot isn't it?" She mutters to no one in particular.

" Mhmm." Both boys reply, one half-asleep the other in concentration.

Jade eyes roll over the scenery, before blinking, and lifting an eyebrow. A dark figure comes through the trees, walking with a bounce in his step and humming to some unknown tune. His cloak is black, with red and white clouds and an orange mask covering his face, but not his jet-black hair.

Sakura looks down at her Popsicle, then at the man who still didn't seem to notice they were across the river. " Hey, isn't he from Akatsuki?"

" Mhmmmm." They reply again, one still asleep and the other still in concentration.

Sakura rolls her eyes, before watching the bouncy man as he bursts out singing 'Do you like waffles' to no himself, then replying with 'yea we like waffles'. She leans back again, resuming her licking of the Popsicle.

It's not like he'd do much harm _singing_.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Clapping begins as 'The Akatsuki Corner' appears on the screen and the camera zooms out to focus on Deidara, who is sitting with Angel. Angel smiles, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. " Sorry about the delay, we had some...er..."

" Technical dificultes." Deidara mutteres, rubbing his neck with a scowl. Dark bruise marks could be made out from behind the high collar of his cloak.

" You started it." Angel shrugs, " Okay, so.." She peers down at the list from earlier. " So, Deidara, why _are_ you known as the number one cross-dresser online?"

The blonde huffs, " I don't know what they're talking about, I've never dressed like a girl in my life."

Everyone gives him disbelieving looks.

" Well, I havn't!"

Angel snorts, " I don't believe you."

" I havn't!"

Angel picks up a remote, turns to the TV screen behind them and presses a button. A large picture of Deidara in a french-maid costume, Tobi standing behind him as the headless horseman with a peace-sign." This is from last years Halloween party."

" ANGEL!" Deidara cries, lunging for the remote, but falling on his face and Angel jerks it away a second before his hands touch it.

" Ah-ah." She shakes a finger at him. " You almost drowned Kisame. Itachi is very upset."

" He was doing it too!" Deidara hisses, crossing his arms over his chest. " And he is so not upset, he just stared at Kisame and handed him a towel! He didn't even get punished!" He prodded a finger into his chest, " I did!"

" That's because they're partners, They're used to each other." Angel shrugges, " Itachi may not show it, but he does care."

Deidara starts muttering about stupid Uchiha bastards and fishy mist sharks as Angel looks into the camera, " Alright people, I need suggestions! Ideas! I have a few, but I'd really like you're help. I have big plans for Tobi......" She blinks. " Where _is_ Tobi?"

The blonde shrugs, " Said something about taking a walk."

_Get Like Us_ plays as the credits roll.

**Producer:**

_BloodRedAngel808_

**Cast:**

_Itachi Uchiha_

_Kisame_(OMG. I forgot his last name again!)

_Deidara_

_Naruto Uzumaki_

_Sai_(does he even have a last name?)

_Sakura Haruno_

_Tobi(_is a good singer!)

**Crew:**

_Minions in my mind_

**Topics Of Discussion By:**

_Tentenrules4ever_

**A/N**

Come on, don't be shy. Let me know what you want them to talk about. I'm trying to write it well, but it's hard to get inspiration when no one wants to help me oooouuut. =[

Aw, but no ones forcing you. lol

Hope You Enjoyed!

Blessed be,

Angel


	3. Scorpions and Panties

**The Akatsuki Corner**

Episode 3

_Scorpions and Panties_

The sound of glass shattering echoes through the studio audience. Numerous fans start whispering among themselves as Deidara rushes onstage, dressed in a nurse outfit, eyes jerking around wildly, a sledgehammer in his right hand.

Jaws drop stimulusly as the heavily-breathing blond hides under the stone table, gathering the chairs in front of himself, hammer at the ready.

The stage doors open slowly and a head of red hair pops out, dull crimson eyes staring out at the dumb stuck crowd. Deidara lets out a cry of relief and shoves the chairs out of the way. " Danna!" Sasori steps fully through the door and peers up at his taller partner.

" You're an idiot."

The blond nods, dropping the sledgehammer to his side. " Ah...."

" It's all under control."

Deidara brightens considerably, tossing the hammer away and throwing his arms around the shorter, elder male. " Thank you danna!"

" Deidara-sempaiiiiiii!"

" SHIT!"

The screen narrows in on the large TV screen as Deidara dashes past Sasori to escape a very happy Tobi's grasp. _'My Roots Are Showing' _by Crystal Shawada plays as various clips of the Akatsuki flashes over the screen. From Itachi arranging a variety of stuffed sharks on his bed, Kakuzu beating up a calculator, Pein attempting to fold origami with Konan hovering over his shoulder and scowling Sasori with his hands glued together.

It fades back into the stage setting where Itachi, Sasori, Sakura and Deidara(who's still dressed as a nurse) are sitting around the large stone table, glasses of orange juice propped up in front of them. Sakura gives Deidara a funny look, before peering down at herself. " What the hell am I doing here?"

Itachi shrugs, " You must be taking Kisame's place since he's _sick_." The word 'sick' was coupled with a sadistic glare sent Deidara's way. The blond huffs and turns his head away, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sakura rolls her eyes, picking up a stack of papers and sighing. " Alright, I guess I'll lead this today, since Sasori hardly talks, Deidara could bolt at any minute and Itachi's being a prick." Boy, if looks could kill. " Alright, first question....'Why does Sasori's name mean scorpion?'. "

The red-head drums his fingers on the stone, sighing irritably before answering. " Because Kishimoto said so."

Crickets chirp.

" That's it?" Sakura asks, lifting an eyebrow. " Didn't you're parents ever...._tell_ you the origin of your name?"

" No."

" Ooo-kay. Moving on." Sakura looks back down at the paper, " Oh! Someone wants a contest." She stands up, snaps her fingers and six stagehands scramble on the stage, carrying a large DDR machine. It's set in front of the TV screen, then hooked up.

" You're not getting _me_ on that." Itachi says darkly, sending invisible daggers to the dancing machine.

" Of course not." Sakura shakes her head, patting his head and getting another chilling stare. " Deidara and Tobi are going to do it."

_" WHAT?!"_ The blond jumps up, hammer between both hands and eyes roving over the crowd. " Where is he?"

Sakura blinks, lifting an eyebrow slowly, " Er....are you okay?"

The hammer comes down quickly, breaking the table in half and sending everyone around it onto the floor. Wild gray eyes glare at them, " _No._ I am not 'alright'! I was drugged, forced into this ridiculous costume, and now I'm being chased around by a psychotic MORON!"

All eyes fall to Sasori, who's still seated in his chair, glass in hand and sipping at his orange juice. His eyes lift to meet the many staring at him. " What? I didn't do it."

" I can't take this anymore!" Deidara cries, swinging the hammer back again and beating at the pile of rocks in front of him. Itachi watches, eyes wide as the hammer barely misses his feet. He jerks back, glaring at the officially insane blond.

The blond stops, panting harshly and staring at his red-haired partner. He lifts a finger shakily, eyes narrowing dangerously, " You said you took care of it!"

The scorpion blinks, peering into his glass before giving his partner an odd look. " I was talking about the mouse that got loose the other night. You told me to kill it for you. I did it."

Silence falls over the studio, no one saying a word as the blond man drops the hammer and stares incredulously at his companions. Sakura leans over to Itachi, " Think he's dead?"

" _I_ think he's a idiot." The Uchiha snorts, standing up and dusting off the rocks from his black robe. " This is so not worth my-"

" _I see London, I see France, I see Sempai's underpants_!"

It kinda happens in slow motion. The shocked faces of Sasori, Sakura and Itachi as Deidara turns around slowly, to see none other than Tobi's left hand curled on the hem of his white nurses outfit. A dress that was short to begin with, was now lifted over his behind, baring to the world, his _red_....._**lacy**_ underwear, with the picture of a scorpion on it.

It's quiet for about 5 seconds before the audience bursts out laughing as the camera zooms in on the panties, showing the entire crowd(and did we mention half the world?) what lay hidden under his clothes.

Tobi smiles behind his mask, his one lone eye turning into an upside down V as he peers up at his Sempai. " Hi!"

_**" YOU!"**_

The orange masked man blinks, before jumping back just as Deidara's fist swings around. " I see you kept your outfit on!" He turns to the audience, dodging the blonde's fists. " Doesn't he look cute?! It took _all_ night, but I did it!"

Sakura giggles, burying her face in her hands and getting an eye roll from Itachi, who had, during the interaction, grabbed another(comfier)chair. Sasori watches in boredom, wondering silently if anyone was going to refill his orange juice any time soon.

A woman in the audience raises her right hand, the left one trying to keep her laughter at bay. " Yes?" Tobi calls out watching from the corner of his eyes as Deidara heads for the hammer. Opps. It might be time to go......

" Where did you get the panties?" The woman asks.

Tobi tilts his head to the side before lifting his arm high, " They were in his dresser!"

" **You little **_**WEASEL**_!"

_Chocolate_ by the Soul Patrol plays in the background as Deidara starts chasing Tobi around the studio, hammer swinging mercilessly while Tobi dodges. Camera stands, small TVs, and chairs start falling down all around them as the two disappear into the mist of dust and debris.

" Huh...guess we'll have to postpone that dance-off." Sakura sighs, tossing the papers at the pile of pebbles. " Can I quite _now?_ I didn't even apply for this stupid job!"

Sasori stares down at the remainder of what used to be their table as Sakura bitches to Itachi, who doesn't seem to care. " I thought Itachi was the weasel."

**Producer:**

_BloodredAngel808_

**Cast:**

_Sakura Haruno_

_Itachi Uchiha_

_Sasori_(Does he have a last name?)

_Deidara_

_Tobi_(is a panty snatcher!)

**Crew:**

_The minions of my mind_

**Topics of Discussion By:**

_Jaded Expression of Euphoria_

_XxValentinesxXxBulletxX_

_Tentenrules4ever_

**A/N**

Things got majorly out of hand today. lol I wanted a DDR dance off....but then I got Valentine's idea for the pantie thing. OMG. I couldn't stop laughing at the things she wanted on here! I've gotten so many and I'm a very happy person. =] I can't wait to use them in future chapters!

More suggestions are welcome, I enjoy your ideas! They make me smile and give me inspiration! So bring em' on peoples!

Blessed Be,

Angel


	4. The Adventure's Of

**The Akatsuki Corner**

Episode 4

_The Adventures of Sharkman and Sharingan Boy_

The camera zooms in on the stage, showing a brand new high stone table, comfy red bar chairs and a coffee machine. Itachi and Kisame sit in the two center chairs, Kisame blowing bubbles in his water and Itachi glaring at him.

" You are so immature."

The blue man shrugs, pulling back, " Where is Deidara?"

Itachi sets his cheek in his hand and grumbles, " How the hell should I know? He's always late. I swear, he's worse than Kakashi."

" No one is worse than Kakashi when It comes to being late for something." Kisame snorted, dumping his water onto the floor, then motioning for a (very irritated)stagehand to come clean it up and refill it for him. He looks back at the entrance door as a loud crash makes the stage shake.

Deidara stumbles through the door, fishnet shirt ripped in several places and missing the left leg of his pants. He blows a strand of hair out of his face before yelping as Tobi hops in after him. The orange masked man grabs onto the end of Deidara's ponytail as pulls him back as he tries to escape. Tobi turns his eye to the camera, " Hi! Welcome to the Akatsuki Corner!"

The camera turns to the large screen behind Itachi and Kisame, zooming in as the large red screen starts flashing with pictures. _'Upside Down'_ by A* Teens plays as flashes of Zetsu arranging flowers, Tobi and Konan singing karaoke, Kisame playing with the fish in a pond as Itachi reads a book beside him and Deidara playing dress up with Sasori's dolls, go across the screen.

It zooms out, back onto the two partners seated at the stone table. Kisame's water has been refilled and Itachi's papers are finally orgainzed. (When weren't they?).

" So today-" Kisame began, _Dun dun dun dun._ He blinks, turning in his seat to look up at the speakers. Nothing. " So, as I was-" Dun dun dun dun. His brow furrows glancing at Itachi, who's looking at him impatiently. " On today's to-do-" _Dun dun dun dun._ A growl escapes, " What the hell-" _Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun whoosh whoosh whoosh._ He scowls at Itachi, who's starting to glare at him.

What the hell?!

" Are you you going to do this or not?" Itachi hisses, " I don't have all day."

" But I can't-" _Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun._ Kisame's fists hit the table, shattering the glasses and causing Itachi to fall back out of his chair, hitting the floor with a loud thud. " AH! Itachi-san-" _Dun dun dun dun dun._ He puts his hands on his hips, glaring at a hysterically laughing audience, then at Angel, who's snickering behind the camera man. " Not _funny_!"

He helps Itachi back up, lucky to still be alive despite the younger mans burning glare and swatting thin hands. " Don't touch me."

" Are you hurt?" Kisame asks, peering at the back of the Uchiha's head.

" I'm S-class criminal. Of course I'm okay!" Itachi snarls, shoving the blue man back into his seat before taking his own.

" Forgive me for caring." Kisame mumbles, looking back down at the papers. " Okay, so first on our agenda today-" _Dun dun dun dun._ " ANGEL!"

Itachi snatches the papers from him, reorganizing them again and taking in a deep breath. " We're going to show you something that may shock you all." He went on in a monotone voice(Insert fainting fangirlish sighs here), black eyes scanning the paper. " Pein got this on tape last Monday, unbeknown-est to the two idiots who were doing it. He labeled it 'a miracle. It's about time we got one.' then, ten minutes later, half of the base was blown up."

He picked up a small remote sitting between him and Kisame, picked it up and pressed a button. On the screen, was a video of Deidara and Tobi both with pink microphones, dancing around the black-haired man's room. Tobi dressed up like a ninja and Deidara all decked out in purple fishnet and black jeans. They were dancing around, both singing at the top of their lungs, looping arms every once and a while, shaking thier rears to the camera(which they had no clue was there -somewhere Zetsu coughs-).

Kisame lifted an eyebrow, turning to his partner and mouthing the silent 'what the hell was that?' so he didn't have to speak. And Itachi, being the awesome lip reader that he wasn't, squinted at his partner's lips, trying to sound out the words.

" Neeee. Does Itachi-kun want to kiss Kisame?" Tobi popped up behind them, head tilted to the side and peering down at them with a creepy smile.

They scowled, " Are you high?"

" Nope!" Tobi smiled, " But I thought you two should see this." He whipped out a pink laptop, from out of nowhere mind you, and set it between Kisame and Itachi. A camera man rushes on stage, perching a camera behind the three men, zooming in on the screen.

On the small screen was what looked to be a short story. Itachi leaned forward, eyes narrowing to try and make out the words.

_It was silent, except for the soft patter of rain against the roof of the hideout. Soon, as the temperature got lower, it would be snowing. Kisame sat in front of the fire, staring at the flames and wishing he could go sit in the middle of the storm outside. He would, except the man seated across from him, was glaring at the fire, trying to stop his teeth from chattering._

_" Are you cold, Itachi-san?"_

_" No."_

" What is the point of this?" Itachi growled, put Tobi put a hand on his head and turned it back to the screen, ignoring the grunt of displeasure from the sharigan user.

_Liar, Kisame thought, rolling his eyes in his head and returning to stare at the fire. It grew quiet again, the rain stopping. He looked up to see small white flurries drifting down past the frosted glass. A smile drifted over his lips._

_He jerked slightly as he felt something cool press fluidly against his side. Blue-gray eyes drifted down, blinking at the expanse of black hair. His expression softens as the smaller male tries to get closer to the warmth. Kisame chuckles, ignoring the stiffing of his partner's body as he opened his coat and pulled the man beneath it._

_A small sigh escaped as the younger male burrowed into his side, the cold drifting away from his body. Kisame smiled, wrapping his arm around the now sleeping man, staring at the fire._

_It was a start, he supposed._

" That's it?" Itachi muttered, head tilting and looking at his blue-haired partner. " We do that already, what's so bad about..."

Tobi clicked a few buttons, scrolled down and pointed at the screen again.

**(Caution: Short yaoi alert!)**

_It was so hot. Short, blunt nails scraping over his blue skin. That pale, dark-haired angel writhing beneath him, mouth open and panting, obsidian eyes half-lidded and glossed over in pleasure. It was a sight any human being would revel in._

_He was pushing inside him, whispered groans coming from both men. His teeth left marks along pretty cream skin, bruises on that graceful neck and harsh, passionate kisses on pink, full lips._

Kisame gulped, skin prickling at that awareness that something was about to blow up. He turned his head slowly, gasping as Itachi's shoulder's shook, the sharingan spinning in his eyes. " Now, Itachi-san, it's just a story-" _Dun dun dun dun._

The studio went up in flames.

_CaramelDansen_ by Caramell plays as the credits roll. (and Kisame tries to calm Itachi down)

**Producer:**

_Bloodredangel808_

**Cast:**

_Itachi Uchiha_

_Kisame H._

_Deidara_

_Tobi (reads fanfictions!)_

**Crew:**

_The minions of my mind._

**Topics of Discussion by:**

_XxValentinesxXxBulletxX_

_Tentenrules4ever ( Your dedication is 'Tobi's Song' which can be found in my story list on my profile!)_

**A/N**: Wow, This one was fun to make. I found a video of Deidara and Tobi doing the 'CaramelDansen dance' So......go looking it up on youtube. 'Caramelldansen - Deidara and Tobi' Type that in and you'll find it!

Plus, I want to do a Christmas episode, so...SEND in you ideas! I can't wait to hear them. Make sure they're full of Christmas spirit!

Blessed Be,

Angel


	5. Down Santa Clause Lane

**The Akatsuki Corner**

Episode 5

_Down Santa Clause Lane_

The camera doesn't zoom in on a stage this time. It's stationed outside a rather large-looking cave house thingy. Snow is falling slowly around, covering the ground in blankets of white. A few windows are visible, candles seated in front of them, casting a frosty glow on the glass. There are colorful lights blinking around the roof and a snowninja by a tree.

It zooms in on the front door, where a sign is hung. On it, in sloppy letters, is _'Welcome To The Akatsuki Hideout! Merry Christmas! Love, Tobi and Deidara!'_ Angel sweat drops, turning the knob and stepping onto the large snowman rug in the front hall.

The warm air makes her shudder slightly, shrugging off her coat and peeking around a corner. " Boys?" She motions for the camera-man to follow, but bent low to whisper. " Hi everyone, don't worry, I won't be doing the show, Pein gave me permission to use the hideout for our Christmas special. Apparently, Tobi and Deidara _really_ got into the Christmas spirit." She smiles, continuing down the hall and looking through a larger doorway, blinking at the sound of _'white christmas'_ by Shania Twain.

Through it was what looked to be a living room. A towering pine tree stood in the far right corner, a ladder beside it and a grunting Deidara holding onto it with one hand and reaching for the top of the tree with his other. Tobi, his own hands gripping the metal contraption so his senpai wouldn't fall over, turned his head to see who had walked in.

Itachi was curled up on the couch beside Kisame, book in hand and black eyes scanning the pages. Kisame yawned, turning blue-gray eyes to watch as Angel stared at them in shock. Hidan was lighting candles, threatening Kakuzu by telling him he'd light up his strings if he didn't help.

Angel chuckled, covering her mouth. It looked almost......homey. " Wow, no one would ever guess you guys were cold-blooded killers."

" Angel-chan?" Tobi tilted his head, " What brings you here?"

" The show wasn't supposed to be until tomorrow." Hidan groaned.

" What are you complaining for, un?" Deidara snorted, hopping down from the ladder. " You haven't even appeared yet."

" It gets you and Tobi out of the house, doesn't it?" Kakuzu muttered, writing something down on a piece of paper. Deidara pouts, walking to stand next to Sasori, who was making what looked to be a duplicate of Santa Clause.

" Er....you didn't kill him yet, did you Sasori-chan?" Angel asked meekly, walking up to stare at the strange likeness.

Red eyes blinked up at her. " Of course not. But I saw him in a book Deidara left open." He shrugged, not saying much else before going to sit on one of the many couches. Tobi opened a cardboard box, peering inside before smiling.

" Senpai! Look, more ornaments!"

Deidara bounced back to the tree, shoving his hand into the box and taking out large red and gold glass balls. Angel took a seat beside Hidan, who had long-since finished his candle lighting duties. " Pein said we could film here today, since you all wanted a day off." She smiled, pulling her legs up and sitting cross-legged on the couch. " Plus, your fans would love to see you all in your natural habitat."

Itachi looked up from his book, " Like the fact that they're not quite as noisy off stage as they are on?" His eyes went back to the book. Kisame chuckled, setting his arm on the back of the couch behind Itachi's head.

" It makes our life so much more interesting though." Deidara smiled, back on the ladder and hooking a fox ornament on the tree.

" Deidara-senpai promised to dress up as a naughty elf tonight!" Tobi called out.

" I did not you idiot!" Deidara snarled, launching a ball at him. The black-haired ninja caught it with a laugh, beaming up at his blushing partner.

" You looked cute."

All eyes, even Itachi's, landed on Sasori, who was sipping at a steaming cup of tea. He didn't look up, just peered down into the liquid. Deidara sputtered, twirling his fingers before coughing. " Does danna-sama want me to wear it?"

(This is were fangirls go wild at Deidara's cute 'if master wants it' face.)

Sasori seemed silent for a moment, as was the rest of the room, waiting for the mans revelations. He gave his younger partner an odd look, " Would you?"

The blonde blushed before nodding slightly.

" Neee, would you like me to help you put it on?" Angel and Tobi asked at the same time. The two exchanged looked across the room before both sprang up, grabbed Deidara's arms and dragged him out of the room.

" Ah..well I'm glad I brought the camera...." A whispered female voice muttered from the doorway.

" Konan." Kisame smiled, " What brings you downstairs. Pein didn't kick you out did he?"

" No." Konan waved the camera at them, " He'll be down later, I was ordered to take pictures." She took a seat in Angel's previous spot. Hidan peered at the small device in her hands.

" Does Jashin-sama like that?"

" How should we know?" Kakuzu snorted from his side of the room. Reaching over and pressing the skip button on the stero.

_All I want For Christmas_ By Mariah Carey plays as the camera blacks out and shows a series of flashing pictures. From Hidan standing up on the roof with blinking lights twisted around him, Kakuzu laughing at him before receiving a snowball. Tobi, Deidara and Sasori making a snow-ninja, Itachi watching from a stump as Kisame picked up the snow, turned it to water and then made it snow again on Itachi's head.

The screen returns to the Akatsuki's living room, where a large batch of cookies and hot chocolate are sitting on the table. Itachi sets his book beside it before looking at the camera. " I didn't want to be on the next show." He grunted.

" Why not?" Konan muttered, " Did something bad happen?"

" Kisame had sex with him." Hidan yawned, leaning back and ignoring Kisame's 'I did _not_!' and Itachi's scathing glare.

Konan lifted a blue eyebrow slowly, the corners of her lips twitching upwards, " Kisame-san......I thought you were going to wait."

Everyone except for Sasori, Itachi and Kisame started laughing. Pein walked in, a red and green blinking elf sweater on his body. The laughter doubled. Kisame joined in this time.

Itachi snatched his book back and buried his face into it. Kisame scooted away from him, perching his elbow on the armrest and smirking at Pein, who did not look any more amused than Itachi. Konan snapped a picture, sending her friend a small smile. " You look...."

" Festive." Hidan snickered, cowering with another giggle under Pein's glare.

" I forced him into it." Konan shrugged, snapping one of Hidan rolling on the floor laughing. She took one of Itachi reading(or not reading) his book. " Come on Itachi-kun, it was a joke." No reply, " You enjoy your time with Kisame-san don't you? You even smiled when he made it snow on you."

Itachi's fingers tightened on the book before glaring over it's top. " You don't have _proof._"

She waved the camera at him, his eyes widening. Kisame gulped, feeling Itachi's eyes on him. " Er....yes Itachi?"

" Get it."

" But...It's not-"

" ZETSU-CHAN!" Angel's voice echoed down the hall, making them all jerked in their seats. Kakuzu looked up.

" Oh..._that's_ who we were missing."

" How are you faring Angel-chan?" _**"**_**Ah ah. Crazy red-head with hate for spiders is a no-no**_**.**_" Zetsu and Angel walked in, the red-headed woman's arm laced with his white side.

" I'm doing fine, but you have to join the festivi-" She trailed off, watching as Pein turned around to face them. Her hand flew up to cover her mouth as a snort came out. " I...nice....nice sweater Pein-sama." She swallowed the laugh, letting go of Zetsu and backing into the hall. " I'll just go see if Deidara's....yea." Then she was gone.

Konan patted the seat beside her, " What are they doing to Deidara?" She asked as Pein took the offered seat.

" Dressing him up in a naughty elf costume." Hidan snickered, reaching from his spot on the floor for a cookie on the gingerbread platter. " Sasori wanted it."

Pein gave the red-head, who had been silent since he'd arrived, an odd look. Sasori shrugged, dipping his cookie in his coco and biting off the head. He chewed silently as Pein watched him in horror. " I've never seen them so....."

" Weird?" Angel supplied, popping from out of nowhere and bending between Pein and Konan.

" Are you done?" Zetsu asked, **" Is there skin showing?"**

" Yep, he's all nice and....elf'd." Angel smiled, spinning around on her feet. " For your entertainment tonight, I give you 'Naughty Elf Deidara!' " Tobi bounced in, helping Angel with the wave of arms as Deidara stepped into the room.

His hair was down, was the first thought Sasori had before red eyes trailed down. It was green, red, ripped and outlined in white fur. The shirt ended at his elbows, fishnet picked up and connecting to the green and red stripped thigh-length skirt.

" You're in boots." Hidan stated stupidly.

" He actually looks pretty good." Kakuzu mused, draping an arm over the back of his chair.

**" Blond looks edible."** Zetsu tilted his head, " Why, yes, yes he does."

Deidara blushed, a glare forming. " Okay, you've all had your fun, can I change back now?" He paused as Sasori stood up, walked to the Santa clause puppet, took the red hat off, walked back across the room and dropped in onto Deidara's head.

His head cocked to the right. " You look cute."

" Oh this is rich." Konan snickered, snapping away with her camera, Tobi and Angel laughing behind her. Tobi gasped, clapping his hands together.

" Tobi has a surprise!" He rushed out, was gone for a good five minutes before returning with brown clothes on and a pair of reindeer antlers atop his head. And in the center of his orange mask, was a red blinking nose.

Angel squealed, grabbing onto the Tobideer as Konan started snapping away again. " I have a story for everyone!" He bounced around, picking up an old notebook and grinning as everyone just stared at him. " Okay, here goes."

_" 'Twas the night before Christmas,and all through the hills, Not a creature was stirring, not even a weapons were set, by the chimney with care,in hopes that St. Whats-his-name,soon would be there. _

_Each member was nestled together in bed, while visions of Jinch__ūriki__ danced in their heads. And Konan in her nighty and Pein in his cap(does he even wear those?) Had just settled down for a long winters nap._

_(We're not bears dammit!)_

_When out in the middle of nowhere, there arose such a clatter, Pein slouched from his desk, to see what was the matter. To the window, he went with a yawn, fought with the lock and the screen spun, The moon was sparkling on the sand below, gave the....what's it to whatever on objects below._

_And what to his spiraling eyes should appear? A really big frog and eight tiny frogdeer. With a weird looking driver, who looked drunk, but quick, He knew in a second it must be St. Nick._

_More rapid than tornado's, his courses they came, he whistled and shouted and called them by name, 'Now, One-tail, Now Two-tail, Now Three-tail and Four-tail, On, Five-tail, On six-tail, on Shukaku and Kyuubi! To the top of the stone! To the top of the wall, Now hop away! Hop away! Hop away all!' _

_As dry leaves before the hurricane fly, when they meet with a large rock, they mount to the sky. So up to the cave top the courses they flew, with a frog full of.....what? And what's-his-name too._

_And then in irritation, he heard on the roof, the suction and gunk of each little foot. As he turned from the window and was going back down, Down the chimney St. Nick came with a bound._

_He was dressed in fur, from his head to his foot, and his cloths were covered with ashes and soot. A bundle of bodies-cough-toys, he had flung on his back, And he looked like a thief just opening his pack._

_His eyes, out of focus! His dimples, how merry, His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was covered with a black bow, and the beard on his chin was as white as the....wait...they didn't have snow._

_There was a pipe that he held with his teeth, and the smoke of it surrounded his head like a wreath. He had a thin face and a really small belly, that didn't even shake like a bowl full of jelly. He was well-built and defiantly not plump,a right jolly old elf and Pein heard Itachi snort in spite of himself._

_Then, with a wink of his eye and a turn of his head, soon gave them to know, they were so royally dead. He spoke not a word, but went straight to work, filled up the socks and then turned with a jerk. And giving them a thumbs up then wrinkling his nose, and giving a nod, up the chimney he sprang to his frog, to his team rang a bell and away they flew like a bat out of hell._

_But they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,_

_"Merry To Christmas to all! Damn, Naruto was right!'_

_There was silence before Kisame walked forward and peered at the old sock with his name on it. He lifted an eyebrow and turned to look at Itachi and the others, who were inspecting their own new stuff. " Was that Jiraiya?"_

_Pein turned back to his stairs with a grunt, " Yep." _

Crickets began chirping in the background.

Itachi finally deemed them ready for his presence again, for he set the book down. " How about telling a real story to our audience?" Tobi huffed while He pushed his book towards Pein, who gave him a puzzled look. " Read it to us." he then, picked up his coco, cupped it between his hands and returned to his spot curled up in Kisame's side.

Angel nudged Tobi and Deidara to take their seats, Deidara sitting beside Sasori, Tobi at their feet and Zetsu beside him in front of the tree. Pein picked up the book as Angel sat down beside of the fireplace, he turned to the cover an 'ahhhhed'. " A Christmas Carol?" He gave Itachi a look, " I didn't know you even knew the meaning of Christmas."

" Which is probably why he reads it." Deidara snickered.

Itachi kicked him. " My brother loved that story."

They grew silent as Pein cleared his throat and began to read. It was a dull, monotone voice, but they watched and listened in fascination. Hidan muttered about odd religions here and there, but other than that, just the quiet whirling of the cameraman's video camera.

Angel turned her head to the window, where the tree sat. Snow falling behind it, the lights blinking on and off as Pein's voice went up and down with the story. It was, she realized, a lot more peaceful when soft music was playing and their leader was in the room. Putting a chin in her hand, she gave a lazy smile as Konan laced an arm through Pein's, setting her head on his shoulder.

A soft sigh escaped her, as she sent a look to the cameraman. He nodded.

As the story came to a close, Pein shut the book with a soft thump, set it on the table and looked at the clock. " I suppose it's time for bed."

" Yea. Santa can't come if we're all staying up late! It's bad!" Tobi stated, hopping up and grabbing Deidara's arms. " Come on Senpai! We need to sleep so Santa can come!"

Angel laughed as Hidan walked to the tree to blow out the candles.

The cameraman walked out the front door and into the snow, leaving Angel behind with the camera. He brushed blond bangs out of his face, giving a grin to the pink haired girl standing with her hands clasped, their silver-haired teacher and the blank-looking boy beside him

A shout of 'OMG the tree! Hidan you idiot! Put the fire out NOW!" Kakuzu shouted.

" Itachi-san!"

Crash.

" Don't worry, there's a spare tree!" Tobi sing-songed.

" There's not a spare _Itachi_!" Kisame screeched.

Naruto laughed, putting his hands behind his head and stepping into stride with Sakura, Kakashi and Sai. He trotted along, grinning down at Sakura. " They didn't even realize I was there." He lifted a hand and waved at a large silhouette, " Hey Jiriaya! Mind giving us a ride?"

_Santa Clause Lane_ by Hilary Duff plays as the credits roll and the snow falls around a now very noisy Akatsuki Hideout.

**Producer:**

_Bloodredangel808_

**Cast:**

_Pein_

_Konan_

_Zetsu_

_Deidara_

_Tobi(Love Christmas!)_

_Itachi_

_Kisame_

_Sasori_

_Hidan_

_Kakuzu_

_Angel_

_Naruto_

_Sakura_

_Sai_

_Kakashi_

**Crew:**

_Naruto lol_

**Topics Of Discussion By:**

_TentenRules4ever_

_Jaded Expression of Euphoria_

_Bloodedangel808_

_And.._

_Well Tobi helped. lol_

--

Walking this Christmas

Down Santa Clause Lane

No need to wonder,

No need to explain

Just have some faith in what you see

You're right here where you wanna be

Walking this Christmas

Down Santa Clause Lane.

**A/N:** Wow. It ended up slightly humorous and more...warmish. -sighs- Christmas does that too me I suppose. Sorry for the yaoi indications. I get into it sometimes. Forgive me. I might actually put up the day after Christmas story, so I can tell you all what they got! lol

Merry Christmas

Angel


End file.
